Hey Everyone!
Last night I made a BIG switch and have moved my blog off of Blogger and onto the goodness called Wordpress. [UPDATED] So, as things get switched there may be issues but the RSS feed is the same and the web address is still www.messycanvas.com.
(post written by Mandy's amazing husband the only dude in the links in the sidebar, so there are probably a lot of grammar errors...)
1.10.2009
1.09.2009
Is No Required?
Meet Moto Moto.
He's a funny character in Madagascar 2, a movie my parents treated our family to when they were visiting in December.
Since that time we have thrown around some of our favorite lines...you know, the ones that make us die laughing. And by "we" I mean both our kids and me and Tony.
Tony keeps saying this line of Moto Moto's: "And girl, my answer will always be yes unless no is required." Hilarious.
But because he's said it so many times, and because Zoe, my 5-yr-old repeats it too, I have gotten it stuck in my head. And the other day it hit me, wait a minute, that actually makes a lot of sense. Moto Moto may just have some brains with his brawn afterall. Who knew?
I know that with my kids, and my over-controlling tendencies, I say "no" a lot! It is very easy for that word to come flying out of my mouth with very little thought as to why I am even saying it. I've gotten lazy with my "no's," tossing them out as an easy one-size-fits-all fix to their questions or their actions.
What if I only said "no" when it was actually REQUIRED. What if "no" was not my first choice for the words flying off my tongue?
A few days ago I had all 4 of my kids with me at the grocery store. Nehemiah (2) and Luther (2 months) were in the cart and Zoe (5) and Charis (4) were walking. As we were waiting in line to check-out Zoe walked up to the person's cart in front of us and literally reached into the lady's cart and pulled out some candy. Horrified (now I realize it was silly to be so up-tight about it) I said, "Zoe, no! Put that down." She didn't even look at me. She paused and then went ahead and did what she was originally intending...She put the candy up on the checkout counter. She was being caring and kind by helping the lady empty her cart!
I realized that I have little faith in my kids or in myself as a parent. Perhaps sometimes my kids are actually going to display some of the virtues I've been trying to instill in them, but I cut them off too quick, assuming the worst in them. Perhaps also it's okay for kids to "act THEIR age" instead of mine and mess something up. Afterall, don't we learn from mistakes?
How many times is no REALLY required?
1.06.2009
Angry Homemade Noodles UPDATE
To all those wishing to take part in the Angry Homemade Noodles study:
Our Facebook Group is filling up. It's seriously so fun for me to see all of you in one place. What's even more fun is that there are a lot of women that I don't even personally know, which means you're inviting your friends, which means you're expecting God to show up and do something radical. Me too.
A few things I want to update you on:
First off, sorry for those of you who thought we started last nite. We didn't. We start next Monday nite, January 12. I need another week to work all the butterflies out of my stomach and to trust God that He is in control of this whole ordeal.
Secondly, if you have not received and accepted an invite to the Angry Homemade Noodles Facebook Group then I don't realize you want to be a part of it. So please, leave me your Facebook name in a comment on this blog post or run right now to Facebook and add me, Mandy Steward as a friend and tell me you want to be a part. I foresee this Facebook Group being a big part of our interactions together, so you'll want to get in on it. It's a private group (which is why I have to invite you) so that it will be a safe place to talk amongst friends.
Thirdly, I started an introduction thread on the messageboard of our Facebook Group. Go ahead and introduce yourself so we can get to know each other.
Fourthly, you own this LifeGroup as much as I do, so please feel free to start your own threads on the Facebook Group. If you need prayer, if you have some encouragement to share, if you want to link us to a blog post that you think would inspire us, you have the freedom to jump in and start talking. This is as much your community as it is mine. We own it together. We make it something great together.
Fifthly, you do not have to be a Christian to join in. You also do not have to be a certain age to join in. Young or old, Christian or not, we all need support and we all have wisdom we can share. All moms are welcome.
Sixthly, I am still working out the tech side of things. You won't have to have a webcam to participate on Monday nites. We might run into some hiccups until we figure out what works the best for the amount of people we have. Pray that we don't have tech issues so that we can enjoy our hour together fully.
Seventhly (okay, this is getting ridiculous. I mean is "seventhly" even a word?) Don't forget to check back here next Monday for our first Angry Homemade Noodles post on the topic "Broken Record." Read it, think about it, jot down notes about it, and then we'll discuss it Monday nite. I'll let you know by Monday where exactly we'll be meeting. More than likely you'll be able to access our time together by just coming to www.messycanvas.com.
Can't wait!
Life Learnings
"It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for what this delicate little plant needs more than anything, besides stimulation, is freedom. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing and searching can be promoted by means of coercion and a sense of duty." ~Albert Einstein
When I think of what we're doing as a family, I tend to find myself calling it "life learning" as opposed to homeschooling. Life itself does have so much to teach us as we go throughout a normal day. There are no lack of lessons. It's just going to take me awhile to get acclimated to all the opportunities we have to learn together. I am by no means an expert when it comes to this. In fact, I'm looking forward to attending a local summit later this month with a friend, so that I can glean some more wisdom from other moms.
It was not an easy decision for us to homeschool our children. I've done so much research over the last few years that I'm sick of it. You can probably see that trail through past blog posts. I asked advice from friends and family. I watched other families with kids that were homeschooled and kids that were in public school. I read book after book after book. I didn't feel that the "how to's" of homeschooling were getting any clearer and yet I felt God's calling, for us to be a homeschool family, was even stronger. You can imagine how frustrating that was.
Two weeks after Luther was born I told Tony, "I'm not cut out for this. I can't ever homeschool. God wants me to, but I can't see how it's possible!" I was distraught.
Tony told me to give it some time. He said that maybe two weeks after having a baby wasn't a good time to make that decision. Ah, the humor I see in that now.
But I've continued wrestling with God on the matter, and yesterday, the most stress-relieving epiphany came to me...This is what I make it. I don't have to do it exactly like the books. I don't have to have an education degree. I don't have to own expensive curriculum or classroom tools. I don't have to have everyone's approval. I don't have to follow some homeschool moms rule book. It can be IMPERFECT! I have the FREEdom to make this how I want to make it. I have the FREEdom to do what my kids will thoroughly enjoy. It is an art form in and of itself and it requires my creativity!
I thought when I started this homeschool trek that the only way I was going to be successful at it was if I was using someone else's pre-scripted curriculum. I wasn't sure if we could afford it, narrowing down the options seemed like a nightmare AND it didn't sound like fun to me to teach it. Now I realize the reason I felt like I couldn't come up with my own curriculum was because I didn't have enough time in my days to give my family my full attention. I have had to be willing to say no to some other things in order to say yes to this. And oh how deeply I want to say yes to this. I feel called to it.
Now, I feel as though God is giving me a passion to use my creativity to meet my kids right where that, developing creative ways for them to learn as we do life together each day.
I am actually waking up in the mornings with an excitement for the day. This is new to me. I used to dread how we would get through our day. I used to fight for pockets of time where I could design. I used to let my kids watch lots of TV so I could have lots of "me" artsy time. But God is changing my heart. I am praying for Him to, and He is doing it. I am now so much more excited about what we can learn together. I am enjoying thinking up creative and highly active ways for us to learn. I actually have the energy for it. Me, who just a couple of months ago had decided I could never homeschool my kids, no matter how much I longed to. Prayer has been radically changing me, as I've been calling on God to make our family the family I see in my head and to make me the kind of artist He wants me to be.
It is a long road ahead. I still have moments of great frustration and moments where I want to grab control again and be an artist the way I want to be an artist. I still have days where I feel like a failure. I still have no clue how I will ever teach a child pre-algebra or high school physics. But it's a day by day process, and I'm finding the more I admit personal defeat and embrace my own IMPERFECTions, the more God comes alongside me and fulfills the deeper longings of my heart. He helps me rise above myself to be that person I so long to be.
Who is really doing more life learning these days? Me or my kids?
There is a pretty cool video of the car track if you want to check it out. And I can't take credit for a bit of it. This was all the creativity of Tony and my kids while I sat and cuddled a newborn.
When I think of what we're doing as a family, I tend to find myself calling it "life learning" as opposed to homeschooling. Life itself does have so much to teach us as we go throughout a normal day. There are no lack of lessons. It's just going to take me awhile to get acclimated to all the opportunities we have to learn together. I am by no means an expert when it comes to this. In fact, I'm looking forward to attending a local summit later this month with a friend, so that I can glean some more wisdom from other moms.
It was not an easy decision for us to homeschool our children. I've done so much research over the last few years that I'm sick of it. You can probably see that trail through past blog posts. I asked advice from friends and family. I watched other families with kids that were homeschooled and kids that were in public school. I read book after book after book. I didn't feel that the "how to's" of homeschooling were getting any clearer and yet I felt God's calling, for us to be a homeschool family, was even stronger. You can imagine how frustrating that was.
Two weeks after Luther was born I told Tony, "I'm not cut out for this. I can't ever homeschool. God wants me to, but I can't see how it's possible!" I was distraught.
Tony told me to give it some time. He said that maybe two weeks after having a baby wasn't a good time to make that decision. Ah, the humor I see in that now.
But I've continued wrestling with God on the matter, and yesterday, the most stress-relieving epiphany came to me...This is what I make it. I don't have to do it exactly like the books. I don't have to have an education degree. I don't have to own expensive curriculum or classroom tools. I don't have to have everyone's approval. I don't have to follow some homeschool moms rule book. It can be IMPERFECT! I have the FREEdom to make this how I want to make it. I have the FREEdom to do what my kids will thoroughly enjoy. It is an art form in and of itself and it requires my creativity!
I thought when I started this homeschool trek that the only way I was going to be successful at it was if I was using someone else's pre-scripted curriculum. I wasn't sure if we could afford it, narrowing down the options seemed like a nightmare AND it didn't sound like fun to me to teach it. Now I realize the reason I felt like I couldn't come up with my own curriculum was because I didn't have enough time in my days to give my family my full attention. I have had to be willing to say no to some other things in order to say yes to this. And oh how deeply I want to say yes to this. I feel called to it.
Now, I feel as though God is giving me a passion to use my creativity to meet my kids right where that, developing creative ways for them to learn as we do life together each day.
I am actually waking up in the mornings with an excitement for the day. This is new to me. I used to dread how we would get through our day. I used to fight for pockets of time where I could design. I used to let my kids watch lots of TV so I could have lots of "me" artsy time. But God is changing my heart. I am praying for Him to, and He is doing it. I am now so much more excited about what we can learn together. I am enjoying thinking up creative and highly active ways for us to learn. I actually have the energy for it. Me, who just a couple of months ago had decided I could never homeschool my kids, no matter how much I longed to. Prayer has been radically changing me, as I've been calling on God to make our family the family I see in my head and to make me the kind of artist He wants me to be.
It is a long road ahead. I still have moments of great frustration and moments where I want to grab control again and be an artist the way I want to be an artist. I still have days where I feel like a failure. I still have no clue how I will ever teach a child pre-algebra or high school physics. But it's a day by day process, and I'm finding the more I admit personal defeat and embrace my own IMPERFECTions, the more God comes alongside me and fulfills the deeper longings of my heart. He helps me rise above myself to be that person I so long to be.
Who is really doing more life learning these days? Me or my kids?
There is a pretty cool video of the car track if you want to check it out. And I can't take credit for a bit of it. This was all the creativity of Tony and my kids while I sat and cuddled a newborn.
1.04.2009
My "Imperfect" Decision
I am serious about this IMPERFECT word. I am not going to let 2009 go by with out major life change in me. Prepare yourself for seeing even more of the real me. Consider yourself warned.I was pretty sure my word for 2008 was going to be "promise." In fact I had journaled a whole page about why it should be "promise."
Then, one night after a fairly heated moment {and by "heated" I mean my blood pressure was rising because of a messy house that in my opinion had gotten out of control and therefore I was spewing out commands to my children to "pick up this" and "pick up that" as I was flitting around trying to regain order}...it was after this, after my kids were in bed and order was somewhat regained, that I realized what I had just put everyone through.
The guilt started to set in as it became quiet in our home. Too quiet. As I sat journaling, I kept feeling like God was bringing this word to me..."imperfect." And it was clear to me, on so many levels, that I was going to need to wrestle with this word for a long time. Probably even a whole year.
Thus my decision to make "imperfect" my word for 2009.
I am imperfect. I mess up and yell at my kids when I feel like I can't control things. I require too much out of them. I want to control them. I squelch joy. I am hurried. I push too hard. I have trouble quitting something once I've started it, even if something else or SOMEBODY else needs my attention. I get envious of other people. I often compare myself to others (especially women), trying to make sure I am in someway better than them so I don't feel so horrible about myself. I try too hard to be wonder woman and then hide in guilt when I realize I am not.
My home is IMPERFECT. Scattered toys, marks on the walls, stains on the carpet, pee on the floor when someone didn't get to the bathroom in time, crumbs under the table, hair in the bathtub, dust pretty much everywhere, un-weeded landscaping, dirty dishes, mountains of laundry - both dirty and clean. Need I go on?
My kids are IMPERFECT. They say things I wish they wouldn't. They fight. They throw angry tantrums. They disobey. They run around in the grocery store and make me crazy when I wish they would just stay by my side and be quiet and calm.
My marriage is IMPERFECT. We disagree. We "fight" for our own free time, which comes so rarely with 4 little kids. We get tense about money or work or family or the little things like who is going to take the trash out and some days we just plain lose sight of the passionate love that brought us together in the first place.
I can't control my marriage into perfection. I can't control my kids into perfection. I can't control my home into perfection. I can't control my faith into perfection. I can't control myself into perfection.
The very things I want to do, the very picture I have in my head of who I want to be, I so very rarely live up to. Why oh why am I so imperfect? And why oh why am I so critical and unforgiving of imperfection both in others and in myself?
This year I hope to learn to embrace IMPERFECTion.
This year I hope to love others who are IMPERFECT.
This year I hope to work on my own IMPERFECTions and be graceful with myself through that healing process.
This year I hope to not pretend I am perfect in an effort to be praised by others for my SUPER-WOMAN-ness.
This year I hope to lead with my IMPERFECTions.
This year I hope to seek and establish authentic community to hold me accountable in my IMPERFECTions, and to keep from feeling so lost and lonely. (Yea Angry Homemade Noodles LifeGroup!)
This year I hope to stop trying to personally control or manipulate IMPERFECTion.
This year I hope to see beauty in IMPERFECTion.
It should be an interesting ride.
1.03.2009
1.01.2009
Fitting For The New Year - A New Creation
I can't get enough of this song, and I've been meaning to share it on my blog. Today feels like a good day. Happy New Year. Celebrating fresh starts and the fact that we can be brand new creations in Christ!
New Creation from Pace Hartfield on Vimeo.
New Creation from Pace Hartfield on Vimeo.
Free
*I took this picture in Chicago. I never tire of looking at it. It gives me great hope.
FREE. You have been a good word for 2008.
I've labeled several posts with the word Free. If you care to see my journey with this word, you can click on that label.
I want to share something with you I wrote in my journal last March. Keep in mind this was before we had any idea that we would be moving from California, that Tony would be working at LifeChurch.tv and that I would be able to stop working and focus on being a mom (my heart's desire).
March 1, 2008 - This is a big year. I am fighting for FREEdom. FREEdom in doing and being what I feel God calling me to. I will turn 30 this year (which I did Aug. 11), Zoe will most likely start school (we have decided to homeschool) and I believe that in some capacity Tony will return to full-time ministry (he is now working at LifeChurch.tv with their Internet Campus). I want to be conscious of the passing of time, and not let the year sneak away without our dreams being revealed in actuality. I want to make the most of every day, grow every day, become closer to God every day. I want to be aware that a year of FREEdom is made up of tiny steps each day to becoming FREE. Each step makes me closer to the end goal. And also, I might add, I am not foolish enough to think that by the end of 2008 I will be completely FREE. I am well aware that I will be fighting for FREEdom for my heart and the hearts of others for some time, for my entire life in fact. But what I do hope to accomplish is to ingrain a spirit of FREEdom within me, so that my natural reactions become FREEdom choices. So that my thought process continually stems from what a FREE person would think. I want my whole mode of operation to be that of someone who believes they are FREE. That will be a major shift for me and life-changing no doubt.
I can confidentially say, at the end of 2008, I have been changed. And I have seen FREEdom spoken into my life, the life of my family and even the life of others.
There is great power in picking a word for your year. I first learned about it here from Ali. That girl eats, drinks and breathes inspiration.
So if you haven't already, I would consider picking a word for 2009. Pick it with great faith that you can speak it into your life and the life of those around you. You won't be disappointed. Here's a list of words if you need help picking one.
I'll be posting mine soon, once I have some time to put my thoughts together in a post. I'm excited to share it. It's not a word I ever expected to use, but I know it's going to be good.
One more thing, if you've enjoyed learning about FREE with me, I encourage you to check out my friend Amber's blog. She's picked FREE for her word this year, and I look forward to continuing to learn and grow by reading her insights.
12.31.2008
Six-Week Study: Angry Homemade Noodles
Alright fellow moms, as promised, here are the details for our upcoming six-week study. I am so anxious to get started!
We will meet on Monday nites at 8:00 PM Central (9:00 EST) for one hour starting Monday, January 12.
Our six-week study will, fittingly, be called:
Angry Homemade Noodles
Monday, January 12 - A Broken Record
Monday, January 19 - Name That Tune
Monday, January 26 - Self-Help is a Lie
Monday, February 2 - Just Breathe
Monday, February 9 - No More Lone Rangers
Monday, February 16 - Embracing Imperfection
It was that Angry Homemade Noodles blog post, afterall, that got me to own up publicly to some of the issues I am struggling with. And it was your comments that spurred this whole community into being. An exciting journey we are on now, and I am just holding on and anxiously awaiting to see where God takes us.
I am still unsure how I am going to facilitate our gatherings. I've though about doing a simple chat room via Meebo.com. I've also thought about doing live video via Ustream.tv. This would be me talking on web cam while all of us can simultaneously interact in a chat room. There is also TokBox.com where we could all be on video together and talking and chatting. This could be fun! I wasn't sure how many of you have web cameras though and if you'd be cool being seen. :) Do you guys have a preference? Let me know in the comments.
Since I do have a newborn, and life can be sort of unpredictable due to his schedule (or lack-there-of) I am afraid that if I leave it until our evening to share with you my thoughts, that Luther might be having an off-night and instead of hearing me, you'd just hear a crying baby. So I have decided that I will write up a blog post each week and post it before we meet. That way we will all be on the same page as to what we are going to discuss. I will come on Monday nites with some discussion questions to get the ball rolling. This will give us more time to learn from each other and pray for each other. Also, if anyone can't make it on Monday nites, you'll still be able to learn and jump in on conversation via my blog comments or our Facebook Group.
Oh yes, I haven't told you about that yet. I'm going to start a private Facebook Group for us. If you aren't on Facebook go now and sign-up and then be sure to add me as friend so I can invite you. Our Facebook Group will be a great place to encourage each other throughout the week, pray for each other, ask questions, carry on discussion, etc. I think it will be a useful piece in building our community.
As far as on my blog, I will label each blog post relating to this group with the label "LifeGroup." This is what the church I am a part of calls small groups like ours, and I think it's a good name, since we are a group of people gathering to do life together. So if you ever need to reference one of these posts, just click on the lable "LifeGroup" on the left sidebar of my blog.
Lastly, but most importantly, I must tell you that God is doing something here. I am not exaggerating when I say this group of women is nothing short of incredible. I think there may be something greater going on here than just a six-week study. There is passion in each one of you, a great passion to do something great, to be something great, and I think God wants to do something remarkable with each of us. This is just the beginning of something big. So please, invite any other women/moms you think might be interested. Link to this post on your blogs, invite friends on Facebook, extend the invitation. And then, let's all show up with great anticipation for what God is going to do!
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